This was my feelings 2 months ago.. things have changed:
Its crazy.. just thinking about the previous day.. how I expressed to this person that I loved and cared for them, but they never chose me first.. and in return they stated they felt I never choose them first either. If the feelings are mutual and we both care about each other, would you want to try to make it work? I’m no rocket scientist, but that would be even the more reason to be together. I feel like I always gave more of my heart. In each relationship I always gave more than the other person was willing to give. I actually went through this for over 12 years.. Always going back and forth in between relationships . I admit that I always kind of knew this person would stick around as a friend or confidant sometimes more. When we were together it was never consistence. It was more of a “friends with benefits” relationship. I really hate that term because it’s never really beneficial to the person who craves more. Ah I’m getting misty eyed now.. :(.. any who let me finish my truth. I always kind of felt like I wasn’t good enough for that person, and i think that where think also when out of hand. When you relax your standards and become too accommodating to people and their needs That leaves room for them to play on those feeling. In no way am I blaming.. I let it happen.. I became super venerable. There were a bunch of lies, betrayal etc during these 12 years, so we didn’t take each other serious because of it. Every time I would see this person and spend time with them (lives out-of-state) it seemed like these old feeling would surface. Then after I leave I would let him know how I felt. Them he would get mad and tell me why didn’t i express them in his presence. Well the true of the matter I didn’t want to be hurt.. He would then retort that I gave others the courtesy of knowing how I feel face to face and not him. This has become a vicious cycle.