Accidently on purpose

 

Reflects…

 Day dreams

Memories.

They all remind of you…

 Your face is fading when I think of you.

 I was going to title this unfinished business…

But we will finish this… either today… or in a couple of forevers.

I want to walk away… but I need the satisfaction…  I crave your presence… when you are so far away…

 I miss your smile… your chocolate skin.

 The way you feel when I hug you and I rub my fingers over the muscles in your back.

 Damn.

 This can’t be life.

 But limbo is excruciating.

I think about our first time on the beach… I remember what I wore… That orange dress… and you stood back and you said you just want to see me walk…

 Damn I liked that shit…

 That was my first time kissing you…

Your lips were so sweet… soft… perfect… mines… at least I thought they were.

I waited 6 months to kiss you… I swear we kissed for hours… I’ve never in my 31 years did that… it was new do me… and i liked it very much.

 But that was then… and this is now.

The consistency… the unsureness… the unknown… its heartbreaking.

 I know I’m not perfect nor are you… but I thought we were perfect for each other.

 I feel like I kept pulling you… pulling you into something that you didn’t want to do… or at least not with me.

(Sigh). I’m not sure what else to do… I tried moving on… seeing other people… but it doesn’t feel the same…

 I don’t want anyone but you…

Seriously.

 I not sure what to do… I’m not sure what to say… but I love you… and I care for you… You have sadness that I can feel whenever I touch you… I wanted to help ease that…

I feel so at peace when I’m with you… relaxed… carefree…

But then I think about reciprocity.

you won’t comunicate with me.. you won’t tell me what upsets you.. what makes you happy.. and that hurts.

 Enough for now.. my head hurts.

 

 

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Lets take a long walk…

When i got off work today i decided to take my younger kids for a walk.. it wasnt that long.. just 4 blocks circle.. on the way back in i was this young man struggling to put on his cufflinks..I said “let me help you” he obligated.. it felt weird.. but he was very appreciative.. after i walked off about a block down the way i turned around Nd noticed he was struggling with his tie.. oh no brother.. you should have gotten dressed at home..lol

tell the truth Tuesday

Well to tell the truth I don’t know how I want to spend the rest of my life.. I know that I want to be love and to give love.. but as far as career/ job etc.. I’m at a lost.. I pray and ask the universe for direct.. until then.. I’m just gonna do what feels right.