Know your role, and shut your mouth…

So many times I hear women saying “I’m a strong black woman”! I can do everything a man can do!” Honestly I had the same mind frame for the longest of time.

Now I’m realizing I’m not designed to do everything a man can and should do. The reason for the change of heart is because I found myself becoming hardened. I notice that things that I should be bothered by was no longer was. Women are to be delicate, sensual and beautiful. I was beginning to lose those things because I was starting to take on characteristic that I was not designed for.

           Going back looking at events that woman had to endure, not only black woman over the century, we lost something. Women had to become the bread winners, becuase the husbands were away at work, and still had to rear the children. After the return of the husbands, we already in dual roles in the household. In the African American culture that was happening long before the war. We had to work in the fields, our homes, rise “masta” kids” and our own. Back to focal point, today’s black woman is somewhat in that same position, but some of the hats have changed.

          Quite frankly I’m tired. I’m tired of taking on things that I was not designed to do alone. I believe that mothers are to love nourish and are the first teachers to their children. The fathers are the discipliners  and source of stability. Not saying that if the roles are switched it wouldn’t be successful, but I believe it’s the natural state of things. If a mother is working most of the time and away from the home, who is doing the nourishing? I believe that teen violence, early pregnancy, drug use etc is in direct relations to mothers not being available because of work, or other obligations that has to be maintain because the role in the household.

]How do we get back to the basics? How do we have our families? How do we change the family dynamic? How do we find the balance for a healthy family?


I open my heart to you…

Can you totally open you heart to someone?

Being able to give and receive love unconditional?

Without limitations or criteria?

Just writing that gives me chills. I mean in an adult relationship? Not children, because that another kind of love that should come natural because it’s an extension of one self. Meaning two adult people giving all of themselves 100% with no leftover. Thinking of the other person in totality? I honestly don’t think it can be done. I do believe that someone is capable of giving at least 75 percent. I’ve seen it done mostly by women. I think we are designed to love, be loved, nurturer and affectionate. I’ve notice over the past few years that love has been shunned and lust has been glorified. Lust comes into place when love is consider attainable, and a quick fix. Then it becomes the new norm. Especially with technology, it’s easier to get microwave “love” at the drop of a hat. But to actually find a person you can be totally open to, completely vulnerable with, and expose your inhibitions to is a rare.I want that old school kind of love, where there is love when it isn’t anything else. But communication is always the key to unlock the heart. Once again technology plays a promenade role in this. It’s so easy to write your felling in a text, or email, but the authenticity is in the tone, visual, and emotions that are displayed when its a person to person, face to face. ok.. i feel like I’m getting all mushy.. so leave a comment, question, or debate.. intrigue me!

Are your raising a monster? Giving children what is need.. and some of what they want.

Recently in a I’m in, a question arose about raising materialistic versus realistic children. This is near and dear to me. To give a bit of a back drop, I’m currently a mother of four children, ranging from eight  years old to three months old. When growing up I really didn’t  focus on clothing and other materialistic things until I was in high school and able to work to buy my own clothing.

When I receive one of my first paychecks some new shoes were out. The high heel timberland boot. They retailed at $120. That was practically my whole pay check! So I had to decide, Do I want these jazzy new shoes and no money for two weeks, or save my money and get them later. I decide to satisfy both. I shopped arriving and ended up paying. 40 bucks for some that look the same as the Timberlake boots, but without the price nor the tree emblem.

That leads me into the question: so we raise our children to be realistic or materialistic?  I’ve notice today that the media has pushed so much products onto our child’s forefront that’s is very difficult to dodge. This time of the year,just turning on the tv will have you going broke. I’m trying my best to have well rounded, compassionate, balanced children. I feel if we give them everything they want,  when they can’t have it, then what?

If I gave my daughter every new pair of shoes, clothing, or gadget that came out ,when I couldn’t me that demand anymore because of being laid off, a decrease of finances, or the child has gotten the privilege taken away What would she do to get them? Or on the other spectrum a child who never experienced new things because the parent didn’t have it or wanted to raise them frugal., you could possibly be creating a monster.

From Personal experience, I’ve seen where a child was raise a certain lifestyle, where image is everything. When the family walks out the fore,  everyone had to have on new clothing,Jordan’s and fresh hair cuts

. When the lifestyle couldn’t  be maintained the child stated acting out.  Also, see where a has went without any new clothing etcetera,  when getting to the age of making their own decisions,after being picked on my other children, they began to want what others have by any means necessary. That can lead to the child being rebellious,  stealing selling drugs,ans stealing to keep up with current fads. Both ends of the spectrums leads to unhealthy life styles if proper balance is not implemented effectively. We must raise our children to have a form of delayed gratification.

One way I teach my kids balance is enhancing their own personality, in which for the.most part is working. My son is four and will wear nothing but dusty cowboy boots, but on the other hand I have an eight year old who is self assured,but when in school is sometimes shunned  if she doesn’t have on the lastest high priced tennis shoes. Another fun family adventure that will help your child to have a healthy balance is taking them thrifting or yard selling. It will help them understand that beauty isn’t always in new items, sometimes use item are just as effective and stylish.  I’ll leave you with a quote that I most graciously stand by:

Do not educate Your child to be rich, educate him to be happy. when He grows up he will know the value of things, not the price.